The end of this year is fast approaching. In fact, we only have 55 days until the bells of midnight ring, the ball drops, and the new year is upon us. So I thought I’d take stock of my 2017.
I started this blog over a year ago, and felt full of energy and determination. The beginning went kinda like this:
First Day: Oh this will be such a cool project!
Two Week Later: Yeah, yeah I can keep doing this. Hell yeah! I’m totally fine!
A Month More: So…maybe I was a little over ambitions? Yeah that’s it I was just too ambitious, better take a step back.
Another Month: Did I start a website?
The thing is, when I started So Many Books, So Little Time a part of me knew it wouldn’t last. That part told me I was ‘doomed to fail.’ I didn’t want that to be true. But it became true because I let it. I let the fear of a huge failure stop me from trying to have a success or even the whisper of a victory. So instead of punching that voice in the nose (totally should’ve done that), I crawled away. I hid my shame that I had failed, yet again. I tried to forgot that I’d ever attempted something because then I wouldn’t have so fully failed. If I didn’t really want to succeed, then I didn’t really fail. But that just added a hint of lying to myself along with my failure.
So fast forward to now, I’ve been doing some Winter Cleaning. (Oh, that’s usually done in the spring? Well, I’m gonna do it now.) I went through my movies I bought and never watched; donated some, watched some others. I’m in the middle of cataloging my books and preparing to do my semi-annual book shedding (yes really). I also cleaned out my kitchen draws. Did you know I have an avocado slicer, and an egg-timer to put in boiling water that signals when the real eggs are perfectly cooked? I had totally forgotten I’d had these! Why don’t I either use them or get rid of them? Since I asked the question for things as superfluous as avocado slicers and egg-timers, I was duty bounded to ask the same of this website.
If I wasn’t going to use it, why should I keep it? So I’ve decided, I’m going to use this site again. I am not going to let the sound of fear or the threat of failure condemn me from trying any more. Because true failure only happens when you admit defeat. There is no line drawn in the sand by yourself loathing or your self-esteem. It’s up to you. So when I hear the voice in my head that says ‘I can’t’ or ‘I won’t’ or ‘I’m not good enough.’ I tell it ‘I hear ya, but you’re so wrong. Cause guess what? I totally can, I totally will, and I am totally good enough!’ We are each the only person who can define our own success.
So do I know how often, or about what, I’m going to be writing on here? Nope, not a clue. But I will not let this be considered a failure by my own definition. Instead, I’m gonna turn it into a victory, into a success, into something awesome.
Read Often, Think Longer, and Laugh Repeatedly
Till Next Time